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  • Writer's pictureDoug Morris

PED’s - A Triathlete’s Alternative from A to Z

Performance enhancements in acronyms and words. This is what I think about during a two hour ride on a beautiful Sunday morning in the Midwest: great ride, strange mind.

  • PEAs -- These made the Jolly Green Giant tall, strong, and happy.

  • PEB’s -- performance enhancing bike workouts. Hard and fast, doing them naturally can go a long way to build up your own conditioning.

  • PEC’s -- enhancing the swim stroke cache to firm up those wondrous pecs

  • PED’s -- performance enhancing drinks -- from protein shakes to electrolyte concoctions

  • PEE’s -- a performance enhancing final pee before the cannon sounds as long as it is not from someone else in the wet suit you rented or loaned out to a friend for the race.

  • PEF’s -- performance enhancement farts, a final passing of gas to reduce internal pressure and eliminate potential in-race gut issues.

  • PEG’s -- performance enhancing gels -- maybe someday they will taste better at mile marker 18 and beyond for the final run up to the finish line.

  • PEH -- performance enhancing hemp that leaves no drug markers for the guy that was worried about drug testing at the US age group nationals in VT.

  • PEI --Wei, the cheaper sister of PF Chang’s where you get a carbo boost from the rice & noodles and a clearing of the air passages with a high dose of garlic enhanced protein dishes.

  • PEJ’s -- performance enhancing juices: apple, cherry, POM, or other; just not that slang use of juice, drugs.

  • PEK’s -- performance enhancing Kool-Aid – it’s every marketers dream for their followers to drink their hype generating Kool-Aid message, fall in line, and pay according to the business plan.

  • PEL -- performance enhancing legion -- that edge earned by beating as many other people as possible over your multi-disciplined racing career.

  • PEM’ s -- performance enhancing match of equipment -- On a stretch, making sure that the round pegs fit the round holes and that square pegs fit the square holes such as in a match between the bike shoe cleats and pedals which I missed aligned at a race and definitely would have benefitted from.

  • PEN’ s -- performance enhancing numbness that finally motivates you to replace that performance impairing saddle.

  • PEO -- performance enhancing outlook -- aka PMA -- positive mental attitude. People want to hang with others who want to get better and have fun achieving their goals.

  • PEP’s -- performance enhancing prescriptions. If you are going to get them, you might as well leave a legitimate audit trail and blame the doctors.

  • PEQ -- performance enhancement quickness. A lot of speed kills, a little bit yields PR’s.