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  • Doug Morris

You Might Be a Triathlete

With all due respect to Jeff Foxworthy, the citizens of Tennessee, the rest of the south, and anyone who may be offended; let’s share a bit of kinship with triathletes. If you ever wondered about whether you too are a triathlete, or not, then below is sample comparison list. You may be a triathlete if:

  • You think moonshine is the light you workout by early in the morning or late into the evening.

  • You own more than one bike.

  • Your bikes are worth more than your car or house or even both combined.

  • You have more sets of bike wheels in the garage than bike frames to accommodate them.

  • Your favorite race t-shirts are the newest and oldest ones in your dresser.

  • Your best and favorite blanket is made of old race t-shirts.

  • Your loser race shirts are used to clean your bicycles.

  • You go to bed by 8pm and wake-up before 5am to workout.

  • You have more race finisher’s pictures on your desk of yourself crossing the finish line than pictures of your spouse or kids.

  • Your six-pack is your stomach instead of sloshing around inside of it.

  • White Lightening is what you use as lube on your chain instead of doing shots with it to loosen up on weekends.

  • You are skilled at expelling snot rockets...

  • ... and take pride in it.

  • Your mutt dog runs and hides when you get the leash.

Dog Running
Breaker Running in a 10K Road Race

  • On race day your tan lines don’t conform to your race kit.

  • You no longer plan family vacations but you solicit relatives to sign on as your support squad at various weekend triathlons planned for the season.

  • You are not considered a missing person unless you don’t arrive for your next scheduled race or workout.

  • You are more at rest spinning out riding downhill on bicycle at 35+ mph than watching TV.

  • It’s as natural for you go outside as inside when relieving yourself.

  • Time is more of a limiting factor than your endurance when doing workouts.

  • You think running or biking in the rain saves time from taking a shower after the workout.

  • You think Clif Bars are healthy food options instead of some distant relative’s retail chain of drinking establishments.

  • You are more at peace on a bike on Sunday mornings than in the church singing hymns.

  • You think triathlon is a religious cult and forget it is time sucking hobby that robs you of precious family time.

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