You Might Be a Triathlete
With all due respect to Jeff Foxworthy, the citizens of Tennessee, the rest of the south, and anyone who may be offended; let’s share a bit of kinship with triathletes. If you ever wondered about whether you too are a triathlete, or not, then below is sample comparison list. You may be a triathlete if:
You think moonshine is the light you workout by early in the morning or late into the evening.
You own more than one bike.
Your bikes are worth more than your car or house or even both combined.
You have more sets of bike wheels in the garage than bike frames to accommodate them.
Your favorite race t-shirts are the newest and oldest ones in your dresser.
Your best and favorite blanket is made of old race t-shirts.
Your loser race shirts are used to clean your bicycles.
You go to bed by 8pm and wake-up before 5am to workout.
You have more race finisher’s pictures on your desk of yourself crossing the finish line than pictures of your spouse or kids.
Your six-pack is your stomach instead of sloshing around inside of it.
White Lightening is what you use as lube on your chain instead of doing shots with it to loosen up on weekends.
You are skilled at expelling snot rockets...
... and take pride in it.
Your mutt dog runs and hides when you get the leash.
On race day your tan lines don’t conform to your race kit.
You no longer plan family vacations but you solicit relatives to sign on as your support squad at various weekend triathlons planned for the season.
You are not considered a missing person unless you don’t arrive for your next scheduled race or workout.
You are more at rest spinning out riding downhill on bicycle at 35+ mph than watching TV.
It’s as natural for you go outside as inside when relieving yourself.
Time is more of a limiting factor than your endurance when doing workouts.
You think running or biking in the rain saves time from taking a shower after the workout.
You think Clif Bars are healthy food options instead of some distant relative’s retail chain of drinking establishments.
You are more at peace on a bike on Sunday mornings than in the church singing hymns.
You think triathlon is a religious cult and forget it is time sucking hobby that robs you of precious family time.